Tao of Divorce – Running On Empty (Eleventh Verse)

Eleventh Verse of the Tao Te Ching:

Thirty spokes converge upon a single hub;
it is on the hole in the center that
the use of the cart hinges.
Shape clay into a vessel;
it is the space within that makes it useful.
Carve fine doors and windows,
but the room is useful in its emptiness.
The usefulness of what is
depends on what is not.
Author’s Commentary:

How often do you feel like you’re running on empty?  Trying to make ends meet… trying to figure out what’s best for your kids, trying to get your ex-spouse to see things your way, trying to find a little peace…

Maybe what it takes is a change in your perspective?  What if, instead of seeing “empty” as a lack of what you think you need, you saw it as the source of everything you could ever desire?

We spend our time so focused on the spokes that we don’t see that it’s the hole in the center that makes it all work.

If all of your efforts are devoted to trying to change what’s in form, you can’t allow the higher possibilities to emerge from the formless.

Everything that’s currently in form was first a thought, which is actually also a form, just arguably considered a bit less “real” than say, a chair for instance.  However, if we consider the origin of the chair, it was first a thought someone had before it actually became something upon which you can rest your weary behind.

From where did the thought of the chair come?  I believe that all thoughts emerge from a field of consciousness, some people call Universal Consciousness, the Source Field, God, or even the Tao.

We spend most of our time thinking the same thoughts over and over, “I’m so unhappy in this marriage,… my husband is so moody,… my wife is so impossible, blah, blah, blah…

The way out of the endless loop of the same thoughts producing the same results is to simply embrace the void, step into the silence, and allow something new to come through.

We all live hectic lives, getting the kids ready for school, dropping them off, going to work, doing our jobs, picking the kids up, grocery shopping, etc.  It’s so easy to get completely caught up in our daily activities that we forget to connect with what’s truly important to us.

Obviously, we need to spend some time taking care of the Thirty spokes, shaping the clay, carving the doors… but, let us not forget the usefulness of the empty space in the center.

Take some time each day to be silent and connect with the empty space at your center.  I find meditation to be essential, especially when I’m faced with any type of challenge (which is generally all the time).

If I forget to allow the answers to emerge from the emptiness, I find myself spinning my wheels, focused on the problem, trying to solve it, instead of allowing it to resolve.

During a divorce, it is so easy to get caught up in the details of what’s wrong, …wrong with the situation,… wrong with your spouse,… wrong with you, etc., but the solutions only come from letting them come out of the cracks in the form.  They won’t come from telling your lawyer to fix your problems, but they might come from using your lawyer as a tool to help realize the possibilities that emerge from within, if you take the time to go into the void and listen.

In other words, the usefulness of your lawyer (or other support people) depends upon your ability to let go of your ideas about what is and allow the invisible force behind all creation to bring forward what is not.

This is accomplished, at least partly, by taking responsibility for what is and letting go of any and all blame you carry around.  Forgiveness is a very powerful tool for lightening the burden of carrying blame.

Practice forgiveness by surrendering yourself into the silence within you.  Go to the place that’s not actually “a place” and let go of every “thing” you’ve been holding onto.  If you do so, all that will remain is peace… your Divine Loving Essence.

Inform yourself through connection with the formless and solutions will emerge, then you can act upon your inspiration, not your desperation.

Work on allowing what is not to reveal the usefulness of what is.

Love & Light Ahead!

Michael C. Cotugno, Esq.
Conscious Divorce Attorney & Coach
M.A. in Spiritual Psychology

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