My Dilemma With Divorce

By Michael C. Cotugno, Esq., Founder of Conscious Divorce

It’s safe to say that we’re all familiar with the horror stories of conventional divorce litigation. It often involves turning your life over to attorneys and judges who will tell you how to resolve your issues based on a narrow view of the options available, which generally do not work for you, or your family.

But divorce is not just a legal process. It’s personal. It’s emotional. I’ve been through it myself.

It’s also extremely difficult to find balance, healing and closure while constantly being exposed to the fighting and conflict that a traditional contested divorce encourages.

I kept asking myself, could there be a better way?

As an attorney practicing since 1996, dealing primarily with divorce cases, I’ve personally witnessed the debilitating effects the conflict driven legal system wages on our whole community.

I’ve seen couples fighting over insignificant details just for the sake of fighting. I’ve dealt with opposing council who would stir up conflict so they could bill more hours. I’ve had judges make decisions that go completely against the legal precedent.

How could I participate in this broken system and keep clear conscience?

The world we live in is hectic enough. I couldn’t consciously choose to encourage more chaos in my life or in the life of others. After seeing countless cases get stuck in a broken system that often costs people everything they have, I knew there had to be a better way.

Over the years, I’ve developed a deeper understanding of my role as an attorney and mediator. I’m here to offer structure, guidance and support during one of the most difficult periods in someone’s life.

This led me to obtain my M.A. in Spiritual Psychology in 2011. This educational experience has offered me a tremendous resource of tools and techniques for facilitating deeper levels of communication as well as personal healing and growth.

I believe that staying out of court and working towards settlement through mediation is that better way, but it does take cooperation and the willingness to let go of at least some of the bitterness and upset that usually surrounds the divorce process.

I’ve seen that conflict arrises when communication breaks down and one person stops trying to see things from the other’s perspective.

At this point, it can seem easier to simply walk away, hire a litigation attorney, and let them handle everything. Unfortunately, that’s not typically how it works (unless maybe you have unlimited funds and aren’t considering the emotional toll it takes on you and your kids).

Instead of avoiding the issue, the only way to effectively resolve it is by working through the energy of a perceived problem. This doesn’t have to be hard (or at least as hard as you might think).

It can start with choosing to let go of the upset, and becoming informed about your options. It’s about making a few clear-headed and compassionate decisions about what’s sustainable for you and your family so that everyone can move on with their lives as unburdened as possible.

This is why I founded Conscious Divorce. 

What if someone was available that you and your spouse could go to and they would guide you through the process and help you both avoid the pitfalls and challenges that come up in most other divorces?

In most cases, people don’t even realize this is an option. They hear “horror stories” from friends and relatives about their divorces and are encouraged to protect themselves and lawyer-up. This is where things get much more complicated than they need to be.

I’ve never been a fan of doing things just because that’s how it’s always done. I much prefer stepping back and seeing if we can rise above the level of thinking that has resulted in the apparent “problem” so we can see the solution. I firmly believe that every problem comes complete with the solution, it just takes a higher perspective to see it.

It is my responsibility to my clients to help them to rise above the murky waters of the conventional divorce and see that there are peaceful solutions that will work for them.

Michael C. Cotugno, Esq.
Attorney / Mediator / Founder of Conscious Divorce