A divorce is conscious when the framework within which the divorce is happening is better understood by the person experiencing it, who in turn utilizes this awareness to learn, heal, and grow from the experience. By framework, I mean the subconscious programming that runs much of our lives.
Most of us go through life unaware of this programming, which is generally responsible for well over 90% of our behavior, decisions, actions and reactions. By having no awareness of the programming that’s controlling much of our lives, we exist in what I refer to as Zombie Consciousness.
Ego dominates the realm of Zombie Consciousness (“ZC” for short), feeding on others for its own survival, oblivious of the larger consequences of its actions. This ZC prevails in most divorces. The parties blame each other for their emotional upset, financial instability, and even their physical dis-ease, failing to accept any responsibility for their own states-of being. Unfortunately, by doing so, they give up their power to resolve their own issues and typically pay obscene fees to attorneys to fight for their rights. This results in expensive treatments of their conditions where the attorneys manage their cases.
But the real cure remains obscured, just as it so often does in our current inadequate allopathic healthcare system. Money is made from treating or fighting the dis-ease, but the individuals’ power to heal themselves is completely ignored and even undermined. In reality, no doctor has ever healed anyone of anything, at best, a good doctor supports their patients’ innate abilities to heal their bodies themselves, which comes from within, once whatever brought about the dis-ease is worked through and cleared.
A good divorce attorney or coach should also focus on supporting their clients’ own innate abilities to heal unresolved issues from within. By framing their clients’ circumstances in ways that the clients can begin to become aware of the subconscious programming that has been controlling their lives and producing patterns of discontent, clients can take a learning orientation to life. Learning that the only real issue is how they relate to the issues they’re experiencing, and empower themselves to take back their ability to heal their own issues. This is accomplished through guidance and encouragement, not through fanning the flames of conflict. This is the way patterns can be broken and the way out of ZC.
If a divorce attorney or coach can effectively guide a client to spot some of the underlying, unresolved issues within his or her consciousness, the client then becomes conscious of the patterning and can work toward unraveling the dysfunctional programming (underlying judgments and limiting beliefs). By spotting an issue and bringing it to light, the client can be coached to take ownership of their circumstances, learn to accept their current state of reality without so much resistance and begin to apply some compassionate self-forgiveness, which ultimately brings about true healing.
Once the underlying issues are healed, the painful circumstances of the divorce, which is really just the result of the unhealed issues operating behind the scenes, the client frees himself or herself from the disharmonious patterns that have likely persisted throughout their lifetime, ultimately building up in intensity until divorce becomes the only apparent consequence. Going through the conscious divorce process with the assistance of a properly trained and experienced divorce attorney or coach facilitates an awakening within the individual, not only allowing for a conscious divorce, but providing them with the awareness and skills to live more consciously, free from the bonds of self-victimization that are so prevalent in ZC.
When we wake up from ZC, we emerge into a state of healing consciousness, utilizing our old patterns and upsets as indicators of where we can focus our attention, loving, and compassion, until in due course we embrace a unity consciousness where the illusion of us being separate from one another is dissolved.
Love & Light Ahead!
Michael Cotugno, Esq.
Conscious Divorce Master Practitioner
M.A. in Spiritual Psychology